Huge decisions that involve relocating are never easy to make. I remember once upon a time I didn't even know if I wanted to come to Korea. The application was so frustrating and I wasn't sure if I was going to be packing my bags or back on the job hunt. But at the very last minute, even after orientation had began, I opened my full acceptance e-mail and knew I would be in for an interesante experience.
Extension applications are due at the end of May. I privately mulled over the idea of extending for another 6 months, hoping that I would come to a decision by the time renewal information was released. When that time passed, I turned to my friends for their opinions. Most friends -- both staying and leaving -- encouraged me to stay: "The special circumstance of living in Korea is temporary, why not hold onto it for a little while longer." "LA will always be there." "You can make more money." "You get to travel." "There are no jobs back home." "You have nothing else to do." "Time passes quickly. What's another 6 months?" Lots of valid arguments, despite the notion of what I felt was right, yet was too afraid to argue against the opinions of the majority. For one, I don't like teaching. If I enjoyed teaching, I would have minored in Education. It's as simple as that. Two, I don't really like kids. I thought that would change, but I think this program has just validated my disinterest. Maybe that will change later. Maybe the language barrier skewed my perspective. Maybe not. Three, Winter sucks. I think that Winter was the worst 6 months of my life. If I had to do that again, I would give up all hope in humanity. And life. And kittens.
Interestingly enough, one person straight up told me to go home: my best friend. This is a person who I talk to on a regular basis and whose opinion I really value, maybe more so than the opinions of 100 of my other friends. She told me that money wasn't everything and that I'm too young to be stuck doing something that I don't enjoy. It's true.
I initially set out to Korea to fulfill a laundry list of loose-ended goals: Take a break from academics. Travel. Separate myself from America. Explore a different culture. Meet new people. Find employment. Live on my own. Visit Japan. Grow as an individual.
I say "loose-ended" because all of these goals were more or less fulfilled when I got into the Super Shuttle, save the last two. But like kimchi, I needed time for the experience to ferment and become the flavorful side dish on the table of my early twenties.
I keep a hand-written journal in addition to this blog. It's actually more of an idea book that I received from Annie & Emily when I graduated from Oxy. The purpose is to carry it around and write in it when you suddenly have an idea. I kept it with me for the first 5 months and jotted down cultural observations as I sat on long bus rides or scribbled long passages questioning Korean popular culture. Eventually I either ran out of ideas or lost interest in writing anything down (I blame Winter) and forgot about the book for 4 whole months. After rereading all of my entries, I realized that my personal development --that self actualization-- came 6 months ago, but I just didn't realize it until now. My former self told my future self to leave Korea after my contract ended. Who would know me better than my previous self? At any rate, I have come to accept Korea for what it is (completely illogical) and scarcely turn to the journal to vent my qualms. Life is becoming comfortably mundane. I am no longer challenging the dominant culture, therefore I am no longer challenging myself.
Alas, it is time for a new adventure: unemployment! Who doesn't experience unemployment sooner or later? New job responsibilities. New friends. New challenges. But nothing gets better than the warm Cali sun. Even though it's technically Spring in Korea, the past few days have been chilly and overcast. Damn Korea. Can't wait to reunite with the warmth!
Lastly, Korean culture determines people's ages in accordance with the Lunar New Year. Ever since I arrived, I've been programmed to say that I am 23 years old. In February, I turned 24. Lies! I'm not that old. When I go back to America, I am going to be 22 again. I often forget that I am so young because of the way age is constructed in Korean society. When I go home, I will still be younger than most of my friends were when they initially arrived in Korea. So technically, I am well ahead of the game. Yerrrp, no time will have been lost, and I am going to re-experience LA with a fresh set of eyes. Salsa is going to run through my veins, guacamole is going to come out of ears, and refried beans are going to come out of the yin-yang. It's going to be awesome.
I keep a hand-written journal in addition to this blog. It's actually more of an idea book that I received from Annie & Emily when I graduated from Oxy. The purpose is to carry it around and write in it when you suddenly have an idea. I kept it with me for the first 5 months and jotted down cultural observations as I sat on long bus rides or scribbled long passages questioning Korean popular culture. Eventually I either ran out of ideas or lost interest in writing anything down (I blame Winter) and forgot about the book for 4 whole months. After rereading all of my entries, I realized that my personal development --that self actualization-- came 6 months ago, but I just didn't realize it until now. My former self told my future self to leave Korea after my contract ended. Who would know me better than my previous self? At any rate, I have come to accept Korea for what it is (completely illogical) and scarcely turn to the journal to vent my qualms. Life is becoming comfortably mundane. I am no longer challenging the dominant culture, therefore I am no longer challenging myself.
Alas, it is time for a new adventure: unemployment! Who doesn't experience unemployment sooner or later? New job responsibilities. New friends. New challenges. But nothing gets better than the warm Cali sun. Even though it's technically Spring in Korea, the past few days have been chilly and overcast. Damn Korea. Can't wait to reunite with the warmth!
Lastly, Korean culture determines people's ages in accordance with the Lunar New Year. Ever since I arrived, I've been programmed to say that I am 23 years old. In February, I turned 24. Lies! I'm not that old. When I go back to America, I am going to be 22 again. I often forget that I am so young because of the way age is constructed in Korean society. When I go home, I will still be younger than most of my friends were when they initially arrived in Korea. So technically, I am well ahead of the game. Yerrrp, no time will have been lost, and I am going to re-experience LA with a fresh set of eyes. Salsa is going to run through my veins, guacamole is going to come out of ears, and refried beans are going to come out of the yin-yang. It's going to be awesome.
SUMMER 2012!!!
"Summer Nights" performed by Lil Rob
You're older than me?! No wayyyy!
ReplyDeleteI had no idea you did not enjoy teaching and doing what you're doing in Korea. If you're not loving it, then hop on the next ship back. Life is too short to be working for pure cash for too long. It's perfectly respectable to work a job just to put dinner on the table, but in today's day and age there's so much opportunity around that you can definitely find a paying job that lines up with your interests.
You're always welcome to visit me in Berkeley this summer! I have a sleeping bag and a huge livingroom.
PS: The Korean winter might have sucked, but it probably taught you a lot about why Korean dramas are so depressing. Invaluable knowledge :)